My Unborn Dreams

In the moment that I first met you, I didn’t know how to accept you
And though it may seem as if I in the past I have left you,
Let me assure you, that I could never forget you
For you were indeed the child of my dreams.

And when I speak of my dreams, I do so not figuratively
But rather quite literally, see I can remember you so vividly,
Before you became a concealed wound in the depths of my memory
You appeared to me, mixed in the imagery of a dream

Even before I cursed your mom for refusing me the opportunity,
And for depriving me of the chance to test my own false ability,
Before I had ever read the words that she had written upon that sheet
You came to me, and you said to me that I was not quite ready yet

Even though to myself I often selfishly cried, I
Denied my foolish pride, handcuffing it to the depths of my insides,
And while it fought me for position, at my hearts inner walls it pried
I convinced myself I wasn’t ready yet to teach a Prince to be a King

And so I lived on….

Committed to becoming someone that the world could depend on
Using the pain of a life never lived as a reason to become strong
But I was not yet prepared to relive the melody of that same sad song,
And at that moment I was reminded that true control was not my own

Because, just like your brother who had come and gone before you, you
Penetrated the sub reality of my dreams and your image came through
And I was forced to feel the fresh pain that comes along with reopened wounds,
Because at the moment I saw you, I was certain that I already knew you

As I awoke, I could feel your mother’s pain though she chose to never share it,
I was completely aware that my unborn Princess had arrived at Heaven’s gates
on the chariot of a miscarriage
And though she and I decided to move on, this pain I still chose to bare it
For I accepted that not being ready was sadly, a fault I’d claim as my own

And so I lived on….

Knowing that even though I may have concealed the scars for so long, I
Still ask God to help me maintain the façade of being so strong
Praying that one day it will become true strength and the façade will be gone,
But until the day I have grown strong enough to handle my own

Please, don’t allow me another opportunity to dream,
For again taking on the task of simply living on,
I just don’t think I’m quite ready.

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